Dear Turner Classic Movies (TCM):
I fell in love with you years ago. Who wouldn’t love a cable channel that broadcasts (and re-broadcasts (and, all right, re-re-broadcasts)) timeless movies, often in black-and-white, that otherwise would have faded into obscurity years ago?
True, I had moments of doubt (they happen in the best of relationships).
Mostly, you didn’t seem to care that I had to change the channel. Not because I didn’t want to see the feature (I did! I did!), no. Rather, I had to change the channel because I couldn’t hear what anyone was saying, or could hear only sporadically. I could often read lips in the closeups but eventually I’d tire. I’m no spring chicken anymore, you know. So I’d sigh melodramatically — you never noticed, did you? — and switch over to something ghastly like SPIKE or SciFi or even the Hallmark Channel… at least until they, too, turned a cold shoulder to me.
But you kept winning me back. More and more films would be close-captioned — even the oldest ones from early in the sound era. And I know, I know — the studios and distributors probably paid for the captioning. So maybe it was out of your hands, not your decision anyway.
Still, I think maybe you were just toying with my affections.
Why?
Because, damn it, you still do not provide captions for the introductions and wrap-up commentary by Robert Osborne, RoseMcGowan, and others.
In your frequently asked questions, I did find a relevant one with your (not entirely satisfying) answer:
When will Robert Osbourne’s [sic] segments be available with Close Captions?
Though we are not able to offer a definite timeline, we hope to caption Robert’s intro & outros sometime in the future. Our challenge is overcoming the number of segments and small turn-around time before they air.
Thank you for your patience.
And at a forum on your Web site, I found a recent thread on this topic. So I know I’m not alone in wondering about this, and not crazy. And I know it’s expensive, and I know — and I appreciate, O my love, I truly do — that you are, after all, providing your services free of cost to me. (Well, except however my cable charges get dribbled out to you.)
Maybe you and I will have to part ways about this eventually. I hope not. But in any case, surely Mr. Osborne, Ms. McGowan, and the rest deserve better treatment from you.
Yours,
JES
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